How can we define power? Power is known to be a measure of a person's ability to control the environment around them, including the behavior of other people. The term authority is often used for power, perceived as legitimate by the social structure. Power can also be seen as evil or unjust. However, the exercise of power is accepted as endemic to humans as social beings.
In today's class, we discussed the importance of power in interpersonal relationships, emphasizing the nature of power and its principles, its types, and the ways to communicate power.
Principles of Power
What is power? What principles govern the operation of power in interpersonal relationships?
-Some people are more powerful than others; some are born to power, others learn it. -Some people are more Machiavellian than others; people differ in their beliefs about the extent
to which people can be controlled by others. -Power can be increased or decreased; power is never static. -Power follows the principle of less interest; generally, the less interest, the greater the power. -Power has a cultural dimension; power is distributed differently in different cultures. -Power is often used unfairly, as in sexual harassment and power plays.
Types of Power
What types of power can one person have over another?
Referent power
: The influence that comes from members' liking and respect for one another.
Legitimate Power
: The influence that comes from the authority of your rate and position in the chain of command.
Expert Power
: Ability to influence someone regarding a course of action because of a specific knowledge, experience or expertise.
Information or persuasion Power
: Having the ability to change people's attitudes largely through the skillful use of language.
Reward Power
: Compliance achieved based on the ability to distribute rewards that others view as valuable.
Coercive Power
: Authority or power that is dependent on fear, suppression of free will, or use of punishment or threat, for its existence.
Communicating Power
How can you communicate power?
->Speaking power includes, for example, avoiding hesitations, disqualifiers, and self-critical
statements.
->Nonverbal power includes avoiding adaptors, using consistent packaging, and avoiding
excessive movements.
->Listening power includes responding visibly, maintaining eye contact and an open posture, and
avoiding interrupting.
->Compliance-gaining and compliance-resisting tactics enable you to influence others to do as
you want or enable you to resist compliance attempts of others. Compliance-gaining tactics
include expressing liking, making promises, and threatening. Compliance-resisting tactics
include using identity management and negotiation.
->Empowering others enables them to gain power and control over themselves and over the
environment. Empowering others has numerous advantages, for example, empowered people
are more proactive and more responsible. Empowering others involves such strategies as
being positive, avoiding verbal aggressiveness and abusiveness, and encouraging growth, and
especially helpful and most often greatly appreciated in cases of shyness or high
There is no such thing as a relationship without conflict.
Conflict is a part of life. It exists as a reality of any relationship, and is not necessarily bad. In fact a relationship with no apparent conflict may be unhealthier than one with frequent conflict. Conflicts are critical events that can weaken or strengthen a relationship. Conflicts can be productive, creating deeper understanding, closeness and respect, or they can be destructive, causing resentment, hostility and divorce. How the conflicts get resolved, not how many occur, is the critical factor in determining whether a relationship will be healthy or unhealthy, mutually satisfying or unsatisfying, friendly or unfriendly, deep or shallow, intimate or cold. Conflicts run all the way from minor unimportant differences to critical fights. There are conflicts of needs, wants, preferences, interests, opinions, beliefs and values.
Styles of Conflict Resolution:
Avoiding or denying the existence of a conflict.
Many people prefer to give in rather than struggle through the conflict.
Some people get mad and blame the other person.
Others are competitive and have to win. They use their power and influence to control and get their way.
Some appear to compromise but are subtly manipulative in trying to win more ground.
A few people can control their anger, competitive, I-give-up feelings and self- serving tendencies and genuinely seek a fair, optimal solution for both parties. This is a creative integrative approach.
Three Types of Healthy Solutions:
Win-win. Most conflicts are in areas that have more than two alternatives. If you do not like the choice your partner wants, and your partner does not like your choice, with a little more effort you might be able to find another alternative that you both like and want.
No lose. When you cannot find an alternative that you both want, look for an option that is acceptable to both of you, or negotiate an agreeable compromise. Neither gets everything he/she wanted, but each gets enough to be satisfied.
Win-lose equally. When the conflict is over an issue that has only two choices, one person will get what he/she wants and the other will not. There will be a winner and a loser. If you are fair with each other and generally half the time each gets your own way; it will be easier for each of you when you don’t. The loser will trust that next time or the time after that he/she will be the winner.
Healthy Conflict Resolutionis easy to understand intellectually, but not as easy to apply and use consistently. It does however become easier once the skills and trust are developed. Both partners must view their conflicts as a problem to be solved by them. It isn’t getting the best deal for me; it is finding the best solution for us. They each must actively participate and make the effort and commitment to work hard together to find solutions that are fair and acceptable to both.
If you disregard, minimize or invalidate your spouse’s position, or if you must always get your way, you will damage your relationship. Your lack of sensitivity, consideration and respect of your spouse’s position will cause hurt and smoldering resentment. If fear and power is used to win, the relationship will be mortally wounded.
If you are just a willing giver constantly trying to keep your spouse happy by satisfying his/her needs and avoiding conflict, you will also damage your relationship. You will inadvertently teach your spouse to be insensitive to your needs and self-serving at your expense. Your self-esteem and self-worth will deteriorate. Resentment will fester, poisoning you to the relationship.
Attitudes Needed for Healthy Conflict Resolution:
Start with the right frame of mind.Approach the conflict as two equals working together to solve a problem. Don’t be so caught-up with your immediate want that you lose sight of and forget your more important want of having a long, healthy relationship. If you are too angry or hurt to be able to control your feelings and remain respectful let yourself calm down before dealing with the issue.
Handling a conflict with a loved one, or someone you want to have a good, long-term relationship with is different than negotiating with someone who doesn’t care about your needs, such as a used-car salesman. With a loved one you have to be concerned with his/her best interests. You both should be open, honest and remain respectful, not deceptive, manipulative or disrespectful. Mutual trust is a necessary core issue in a healthy, long-term relationship and neither partner should do anything to weaken it.
Having a negative, distrustful attitude is detrimental to this process: believing you must win the argument or otherwise lose face is a bad attitude; feeling superior or being hard nosed and feeling inferior or being a soft touch are also harmful approaches.
Stages of Healthy Conflict Resolution:
-Identify the problem or issues.
-Generate several possible solutions.
-Evaluate the alternative solutions.
-Decide on the best solution.
-Implement the solution.
-Follow-up evaluation.
Common Mistakes:
Not discussing with your partner the method used to resolve your conflicts.
Discovering too late that more information was needed, e.g., "I should have placed the order sooner, now they are sold out."
Being too invested in getting your way, or making extreme demands, and therefore not being able to be flexible enough to be fair with your partner.
Forgetting that there are usually several ways of doing things and that your own reality is not the only reality. We humans have a consistent tendency to believe that we are right and are being reasonable. You will be much more effective if you are willing to see the other person’s view.
Focusing too much on what you could lose and not enough on what you both could gain.
Believing the other person must lose for you to win.
Bringing in additional issues before resolving the one you started..
If you both stay true to your partner and true to yourself you should have a good, healthy relationship.
Diverse opinions are critical to constructive dialog. Diversity enriches a group. But there is a line between constructive critical thinking and behavior which demeans individuals and potentially destroys communities. It is a fine line with no obvious answer for a facilitator. The goal of this piece is to think about how to support diverse and divergent thinking while reducing the likelihood of personal conflict and group destruction. And this conflict often arises due to misunderstanding. So it is about conflict beteen people, not between ideas. This is an important distinction!
Before we discuss how to avoid online conflict, there are five key attributes of online communication to take into consideration:
Lack of physical communication cues - We cannot see or hear the huge range of non-verbal cues we use during the course of conversation to discern if our audience is understanding, agreeing, disagreeing, getting uncomfortable or opening up. In cyberspace, we must explicitly ask for this information.
Potential impersonality of the medium (distance) - Sometimes, when communicating online people may lose some of their inhibitions and say things they would not say offline. Social norms are less clear and more open to individual interpretation. Setting norms that we agree to use together can control this loss of inhibition.
Asynchronicity affects the way we experience and feel about messages - When you have time to think about your response, you may be more thoughtful or you may let issues build up and get blown out of proportion. In online interactions, each of us may interpret periods of silence very differently. These subtle, unspoken issues can cloud communication.
Public vs. private spaces and perceptions - People have different tolerances of what they think should be "public" or "private." These differences need to be taken into account when choosing to deal with issues in public and/or private spaces.
Limitations of writing and reading - We are not all poets and most of us lead busy lives. Our inattention to detail in writing and our speed reading through topics can lead to misinterpretations. Be thorough. Be explicit.
Four Tips to Avoid Online Misunderstandings
1) Making "I" statements, not "You" statements 'I' statements are used when we feel strongly about something and we want the other person to be aware of how we feel. Use these statements instead of telling the other person what you would like them to do or not do. "I would be more comfortable if you first stated your personal goals about the plan." vs. "You didn't state your agenda and confused the rest of us."
'I' statements present our case without causing defensiveness in the other person. The effective 'I' statement includes three parts. 'When I see/hear (behavior), I feel (feeling). What I would really like is (what is wanted)".
Example: 'When I see that my posts are not being acknowledged, I feel ignored. What I would really like is to have feedback on my input'.
2) Checking assumptions Assumptions are our interpretations of what we hear or read. They are the result of our trying to fill in information that is missing. Assumptions are almost always present. They are based on our own personal attitudes and beliefs. Checking assumptions is very important. Ask. 'In reading your statement, I am assuming that... Is that so?''
3) Actively "listening"/Reading Building rapport with another depends on the quality of our attention during the act of communicating. Remember that the writer cannot see us nodding our heads or hear us saying "umm... hmmm."
Communication occurs at different levels. For messages to be accurately received every level needs to be acknowledged and understood.
Information As a speaker or writer, be as informative as possible. Provide background and details. As a listener or reader, ask open questions that help the other expand on the subject. Ask specific questions to get more details. Reflect back what you heard to check for accuracy.
Feelings Feelings are an integral part of our being. In some cultures, expression of feelings is discouraged, especially negative feelings. It is easier in face-to-face situations to listen to and pick up feelings. Visual clues and voice tones tend to give away signs that may be more easily suppressed when communicating in writing. As a speaker, or writer, make sure to express your feelings when you sense that they are 'nudging' you, using the 'I' statements.
As a listener, or reader, make sure to acknowledge those feelings when they are expressed. If feelings are not openly expressed but you sense something may be present, check it out, remembering that this is an assumption on your part. 'I am sensing that you may be feeling upset. Is that so?' This may give you more information, but remember some people may not admit to negative feelings even if you ask.
4) Acknowledging perspectives People's perceptions of reality can be very different and individualistic. We need to recognize that the other person believes as strongly was we do about the history of the events even when our views of what may have happened are quite different. These different personal perspectives are equally valid. We need to start by respecting the other person's perspective, discuss our views and come to a useful agreement.
When describing an event, say "From my perspective ..." This describes what was real for you without devaluing someone else's point of view. Everyone can contribute from his/her own perspective, adding to the richness of the interaction.
Conflicts Happen Conflicts are great opportunities for learning and growth. The stronger the emotion, the tighter the impasse, the larger the opportunity for learning about ourselves. Questions to ask yourself: what causes me to have strong reactions (usually hurt or anger)? When / where and with whom does it frequently happen?
For resolution to occur there needs to be a sincere desire by both parties to reach a win-win solution, without needing to prove right or wrong. This is the time to drop judgment, blame and defensiveness and open up the possibility of being creative, of finding new ways to respond, instead of reacting. This is the time to be adventurous, inquisitive, curious, playful, and courageous.
Conflict is when two or more values, perspectives and opinions are contradictory in nature and haven't been aligned or agreed about yet, including: 1. Within yourself when you're not living according to your values; 2. When your values and perspectives are threatened; or 3. Discomfort from fear of the unknown or from lack of fulfillment. Conflict is inevitable and often good, for example, good teams always go through a "form, storm, norm and perform" period. Getting the most out of diversity means often-contradictory values, perspectives and opinions.
Conflict is often needed. It: 1. Helps to raise and address problems. 2. Energizes work to be on the most appropriate issues. 3. Helps people "be real", for example, it motivates them to participate. 4. Helps people learn how to recognize and benefit from their differences. Conflict is not the same as discomfort. The conflict isn't the problem - it is when conflict is poorly managed that is the problem.
Conflict is a problem when it: 1. Hampers productivity. 2. Lowers morale. 3. Causes more and continued conflicts. 4. Causes inappropriate behaviors.
Types of Managerial Actions that Cause Workplace Conflicts
1. Poor communications a. Employees experience continuing surprises, they aren't informed of new decisions, programs, etc. b. Employees don't understand reasons for decisions, they aren't involved in decision-making. c. As a result, employees trust the "rumor mill" more than management.
2. The alignment or the amount of resources is insufficient. There is: a. Disagreement about "who does what". b. Stress from working with inadequate resources.
3. "Personal chemistry", including conflicting values or actions among managers and employees, for example: a. Strong personal natures don't match. b. We often don't like in others what we don't like in ourselves.
4. Leadership problems, including inconsistent, missing, too-strong or uninformed leadership (at any level in the organization), evidenced by: a. Avoiding conflict, "passing the buck" with little follow-through on decisions. b. Employees see the same continued issues in the workplace. c. Supervisors don't understand the jobs of their subordinates.
Key Managerial Actions / Structures to Minimize Conflicts
1. Regularly review job descriptions. Get your employee's input to them. Write down and date job descriptions. Ensure: a. Job roles don't conflict. b. No tasks "fall in a crack".
2. Intentionally build relationships with all subordinates. a. Meet at least once a month alone with them in office. b. Ask about accomplishments, challenges and issues.
3. Get regular, written status reports and include: a. Accomplishments. b. Currents issues and needs from management. c. Plans for the upcoming period.
4. Conduct basic training about: a. Interpersonal communications. b. Conflict management. c. Delegation.
5. Develop procedures for routine tasks and include the employees' input. a. Have employees write procedures when possible and appropriate. b. Get employees' review of the procedures. c. Distribute the procedures. d. Train employees about the procedures.
6. Regularly hold management meetings, for example, every month, to communicate new initiatives and status of current programs.
7. Consider an anonymous suggestion box in which employees can provide suggestions.
Ways People Deal With Conflict (Conflict Styles)
There is no one best way to deal with conflict. It depends on the current situation. Here are the major ways that people use to deal with conflict. 1. Avoid it. Pretend it is not there or ignore it. a. Use it when it simply is not worth the effort to argue. Usually this approach tends to worsen the conflict over time.
2. Accommodate it. Give in to others, sometimes to the extent that you compromise yourself. a. Use this approach very sparingly and infrequently, for example, in situations when you know that you will have another more useful approach in the very near future. Usually this approach tends to worsen the conflict over time, and causes conflicts within yourself.
3. Competing. Work to get your way, rather than clarifying and addressing the issue. Competitors love accommodators. a. Use when you have a very strong conviction about your position.
4. Compromising. Mutual give-and-take. a. Use when the goal is to get past the issue and move on.
5. Collaborating. Focus on working together. a. Use when the goal is to meet as many current needs as possible by using mutual resources. This approach sometimes raises new mutual needs. b. Use when the goal is to cultivate ownership and commitment.
To Manage a Conflict Within Yourself - "Core Process"
It's often in the trying that we find solace, not in getting the best solution. The following steps will help you in this regard. 1. Name the conflict, or identify the issue, including what you want that you aren't getting. Consider: a. Writing your thoughts down to come to a conclusion. b. Talk to someone, including asking them to help you summarize the conflict in 5 sentences or less.
2. Get perspective by discussing the issue with your friend or by putting it down in writing. Consider: a. How important is this issue? b. Does the issue seem worse because you're tired, angry at something else, etc.? c. What's your role in this issue?
3. Pick at least one thing you can do about the conflict. a. Identify at least three courses of action. b. For each course, write at least three pros and cons. c. Select an action - if there is no clear course of action, pick the alternative that will not hurt, or be least hurtful, to yourself and others. d. Briefly discuss that course of action with a friend.
4. Then do something. a. Wait at least a day before you do anything about the conflict. This gives you a cooling off period. b. Then take an action. c. Have in your own mind, a date when you will act again if you see no clear improvement.
To Manage a Conflict With Another - "Core Process"
1. Know what you don't like about yourself, early on in your career. We often don't like in others what we don't want to see in ourselves. a. Write down 5 traits that really bug you when see them in others. b. Be aware that these traits are your "hot buttons".
2. Manage yourself. If you and/or the other person are getting heated up, then manage yourself to stay calm by a. Speaking to the person as if the other person is not heated up - this can be very effective! b. Avoid use of the word "you" - this avoids blaming. c. Nod your head to assure them you heard them. d. Maintain eye contact with them.
3. Move the discussion to a private area, if possible.
4. Give the other person time to vent. a. Don't interrupt them or judge what they are saying.
5. Verify that you're accurately hearing each other. When they are done speaking:} a. Ask the other person to let you rephrase (uninterrupted) what you are hearing from them to ensure you are hearing them. b. To understand them more, ask open-ended questions. Avoid "why" questions - those questions often make people feel defensive.
6. Repeat the above step, this time for them to verify that they are hearing you. When you present your position a. Use "I", not "you". b. Talk in terms of the present as much as possible. c. Mention your feelings.
7. Acknowledge where you disagree and where you agree.
8. Work the issue, not the person. When they are convinced that you understand them: a. Ask "What can we do fix the problem?" They will likely begin to complain again. Then ask the same question. Focus on actions they can do, too.
9. If possible, identify at least one action that can be done by one or both of you. a. Ask the other person if they will support the action. b. If they will not, then ask for a "cooling off period".
10. Thank the person for working with you.
11. If the situation remains a conflict, then: a. Conclude if the other person's behavior conflicts with policies and procedures in the workplace and if so, present the issue to your supervisor. b. Consider whether to agree to disagree. c. Consider seeking a third party to mediate.
Like Narcissus, who fell in love with the beauty of his own image, the erotic lover focuses on beauty and physical attractiveness, sometimes to the exclusion of qualities you might consider more important and more lasting.
Ludus: Entertainment and Excitement Ludus love is experienced as a game, a fun. The better you can play the game, the greater the enjoyment. A ludic lover is self- controlled, always aware of the need to manage love rather than allow it to be control. Perhaps because of this need to control love, some researches have proposed that ludic love tendencies may reveal tendencies to sexual aggression. Perhaps because love is a game, sexual fidelity is of little importance. And not surprisingly, ludic lovers score high on narcissism.
Storge: Peaceful and slow
Storge love (a word that come from Greek for "familial love") lacks passion and intensity. Storgic lovers don't set out to find lovers but to establish a companionable relationship with someone they know and with whom they can share interests and activities. Storgic love is a gradual process of unfolding thoughts and feelings; the changes seem to come so slowly and so gradually that it's often difficult to define exactly where the relationship is at any point in time. Sex in storgic relationships come late, and when it comes, it assumes no great importance.
Pragma: Practical and traditional
Pragma lovers want compatibility and a relationship in which their important needs and desires will be satisfied. The pragma lover views love as a useful relationship that makes the rest of life easier. So the pragma lover asks such questions: "Will this person earn a good living?" "Can this person cook?" "Will this person help me advance in my career?"
Mania: Elation and depression
Mania is characterized by extreme highs and extreme lows. The manic lover intensely worried about the loss of the love. With little provocation, the manic lover may experience extreme jealousy. Manic love is obsessive, the manic lover must possess the beloved completely. In turn, the manic lover wishes to be possessed, to be love intensely. The manic lover's poor self- images seems capable of being improved only by love; self- worth comes from being loved rather than from any sense of the inner satisfaction. Because love is so important, dangers sign in a relationship are often ignored; the manic lover believes that if there is love, then nothing else matters.
Agape: Compassionate and selfless
Agape is a compassionate, ego less, self- giving love. The agapic lovers love even people with whom he or she has no close ties. This lover loves the stranger on the road even though the two of them probably will never meet again. Agape is a spiritual love, offered without expecting that the love will be reciprocated. Jesus, Buddha and Gandhi preached this unqualified love, agape.
General point of view of love from Renaldo
I believe that there not just one type of love in us but all. It just depends on which is diminating. For example, a mother can have an agape love towards her children but with her husband, certain activities that a married couple do come's from eros. Also, that mother might have choosen to settle down with her husband could also be based on Pragma love. So we cannot say that, ' i have no ludus love in me or mania love.' Because in truth, we do.
* Try to make your friends happy when the two of you are together
* Don't criticize in public
* Keep confidences
* Don't be jealous or negative about other relationships
* Respect your friend's privacy
When this rules are followed are followed, the friendship is strong and mutually satisfying. When these rules are broken, interpersonal conflict is likely to occur.
Romantic Rules
Rules that both keep the relatoinship together and when broken, lead to deterioration and eventually to dissolution. If you have had a serious romantic relationship, think about it as you examine the rules that follow; if you have not had such a relationship, think about the relationship you want. As you read the list, consider your own relationship behaviors. Do you and your partner
acknowledge each other's individual identities and lives beyond the relationship?
express similiar attitudes, beliefs, values, and interests?
enhance each other's self- worth and self- esteem?
Relationship Maintenance Relationship maintenance behaviors are behaviors that serve to continue (maintain, retain) your relationship. Of course, maintenance behavior can serve a variety of functions. Some example: - to keep the relationship intact: to retain the semblance of a relationship, to prevent dissolution of the relationship - to keep the relationship at its present stages: to prevent it from moving too far toward either less or greater intimacy - to keep the relationship satisfying: to maintain an appropriate balance between rewards and penalties
Reason for Maintaining Relationship The reasons for maintaining are as numerous and as varied as the reason for beginning them.
Theoretical Predictions: Attraction theoryholds that relationships are maintained when there is significant attraction, generally of the kind that led to the development of the relationship. Although both individuals, as well as their definitions of what constitutesattractiveness, may have changed, the importance of attraction – however defined- is likely to continue throughout the life of the relationship.
Social exchange theoryholds that relationships will be maintained as long as the relationship isprofitable- as long as the rewards exceed the costs. Note, of course, that what constitutes a reward and how significant that reward is can be defined only by the individual. More specifically, you’re likely to maintain a relationship when it’s more rewarding than what you expected (your comparison level). You’re also likely to maintain your present relationship even when it falls short of your comparison level, as long as it’s still higher than what you feel you could get elsewhere (your comparison level for alternatives). So even though you may think you deserve more, if you can’t get more, then you’re likely to stay put.
Equity theoryholds that you maintain the relationship when you perceive relative equity. If you feel that you’re getting rewards from the relationshipproportional to the costsyou’re paying, then you’re likely to maintain the relationship.
The more popular and frequently cited reasons for relationship maintenance:
Emotional attachment: Often you maintain a relationship because youlove each other, youwant to preserve your relationship, and youdon’t find alternativecouplings as inviting or as potentially enjoyable.
Convenience: The difficult involved in finding another person to live with, another business partner, or another social escort may make it moreconvenient to stay together than to break up.
Children: A couple may stay together because they feel, rightly or wrongly, that it’s inthe best interests of the children; or the children may provide a socially acceptable excuse to mask the real reason- convenience, financial advantage, fear of being alone, and so on.
Fear: People may fear venturing into theoutside world, being alone, facing others as “single”,or even making it on one paycheck and so many elect to preserve their current relationship as the better alternative.
Inertia: Some relationships are maintained because of inertia (the tendency for a body at rest to remain at rest and a body in motion to remain in motion); change seems too much trouble.
Commitment: People may have a strong commitment to each other or to the relationship. In fact, recent research finds that women’s commitment is more closely related to relationship maintenance and stability than any other factor.
"Communication is to a relationship what breathing is to maintaining life"
Stages in Interpersonal Relationships
Contact
Kind of perceptual contact- sense( see. touch, hear , smell)
Form a mental and physical picture- gender, age, height
there is usually interaction contact- superficial and relatively impersonal
Start exchanging basic information that is preliminary to :-
Intense involvement ( "Hello, my name is Tasha")
initiateinteraction ("May i join you?")
Invitational communication ("May i buy you a drink?")
At this stage, we decide whether to pursue in the relationship
In face to face interaction, physical appearance is especially important because it is readily seen
Through verbal and non-verbal behaviours, qualities such as friendliness, warmth, openness and dynamism also are revealed.
In contrast, computer mediated contact, attitudinal sameness and wanting essentially the same things may be almost influential in the beginning.
Involvement
A sense of mutuality, of being connected develops
Here we experiment and try to learn more about the other person
At the initial phase of involvement, a kind of testing goes on
You want to seek whether your initial judgement proves reasonable
Questions will be asked:- ( Where do you work, What are you majoring in?)
You might continue your involvement by intensifying your interaction by beginning to reveal yourself, though in a preliminary way
In a dating relationship you might use a variety of strategies to help you move to the next stage and perhaps to intimacy.
For eg: Increase contact with your partner tokens of affection such as gifts, cards or flowers
Increase your own personal attractiveness
Throughout the relationship process, especially during the involvement and early intimacy stages, we test or partner
Try to find how our partner feels about the relationship.
The strategies are :-
Directness-ask partner directly how they feel,
Indirect suggestions-joke bout a a shared future together or touch more intimately
Public presentations- introduce your partner as your boyfriend/ girlfriend
Third party- ask your mutual friends about your partners feelings and intentions
Intimacy
Feelings that we cloud be honest and open when talking about our self our thoughts and feelings that we don't reveal in other relationships.
Commit yourself still further o the other person and establish a relationship
An individual becomes your best or closest friend, lover or companion
All start sharing the same social networks
Relationship satisfaction also increase with the move to this stage Intimacy as the feelings that you could be honest and open when talking about yourself, your thoughts
The relationship satisfaction also increases with the move to this stage
Intimacy stages divided to two:-
Interpersonal commitment-
two people commit themselves to each other in a private way
Social bonding
commitment is made in public ( family, friends & large public)
We and our partner become a unit, an identifiable pair
When intimacy stage involves a lifetime
Security anxiety- ( Worry that our partner might leave us for someone else)
Fulfillment Anxiety- (We may not be able to achieve a close, warm and special rapport)
Excitement anxiety-( boredom and routine may set in or you'll lose your freedom and become trapped)
Deterioration
Characterized by a weakening of the bonds between the friends and lovers
Intrapersonal dissatisfaction (personal dissatisfaction with everyday interactions, begin to view the future negatively)
If dissatisfaction grows, we pass the second phase, interpersonal deterioration
You withdraw and grow farther apart
Share less of our free time
When we are together, there will be awkward silence, fewer disclosures, less physical contacts and lack of psychological closeness.
relationship begins to deteriorate, the breadth and depth
A process of deterioration, sometimes referred to as the reversal hypothesis. ( In the process of terminating a relationship, you may eliminate certain topics from your interpersonal interactions)
you may also reduce the level of your self disclosure, revealing less and less of your inner feelings
Repair
A stage that is not always pursued.
May pause during deterioration and try to repair the relationship
Intrapersonal repair ( analyze what went wrong and consider the ways of solving you relational difficulties.
At this stage, consider changing your behaviours or perhaps changing your expectations of your partner
To repair your relationship you might discuss this with your partner at the interpersonal relationship phase
Might talk about the problem in the relationship, the changes you wanted to see
Negotiating new agreements and new behaviours
You and your partner might try to repair your relationships yourself
Seek advice from friends, family or counsellor
Dissolution
The stage where the bond between the individuals are broken
Interpersonal separation- go to separate apartments, lead lives apart
Social or public separation- marriage will end up in divorce.
Some former partners change the definition of their relationship:- ex-lovers becomes friends
Ex-partners begin to look up upon themselves as individuals rather than halves of a pair
Try to establish a new and different life, either alone or with another person
Some people continue to live psychologically- Recall all the sweet memory they spent with their partner
Relationship may be viewed as a continuum from the impersonal at one end to highly personal (that's interpersonal) at the other end. We can distinguish interpersonal relationships from impersonal relationships on the basis of three main factors:-
# Psychological data
# Explanatory Knowledge
# Personally Established Rules
Psychological Data
In interpersonal relationship, people respond to each other chiefly as members of the class or group to which each belongs.
For eg: Usually prof interacts to you as how he interacts with other students. When your relationship gets closer, you begin to respond to each other not as members of groups but as unique individuals.
In impersonal relationships, the social or cultural roles of the person governs your interaction.
In personal or interpersonal relationships, the psychological uniqueness of the person tells you how to interact.
This progression from social to psychological data happens in US and in most Europeans cultures.
Relationship more than seen
eg: friendship ( Very close friends even after class / work)
Explanatory Knowledge
In impersonal relationship you we can do a little more then describing a person or the person's way of communicating.
A we get to know a person better, we can predict his/ her behaviour.
We'll be able to explain a person's behaviour.
For eg: Ms Cheryl is able to describe our behaviour, such as coming late to class.
Ms Cheryl can go beyond these levels to explain the behaviour such as the reason we are late.
Personally Established Rules
The rules of interaction are set down by social norms
Students and prof behave towards each other in impersonal situations
According to social norms established by their culture and society.
As the relationship between students and professor becomes interpersonal, the social rules no longer regulate the interaction.
They begin to see each other as unique individuals rather than student and prof.
A good way to begin the study of interpersonal relationship is to examine our own relationships ( past, present, or those we look forward to.
Facial movements alone seem to communicate the degree of pleasantness, agreement and sympathy a person feels; the rest of the body doesn’t provide any additional information.
Sometime people hide certain emotions while some might emphasize their emotions. It is consider good to express yourself in the US community. As for Japanese, they limit their facial movement and make them look expressionless and more diligent. Our eyes contacts and the way our mouths move also have different meaning.
Different culture views each facial expression in different ways. Some might means good to a community and it might view as bad in the other. We cannot judge whether some facial expression is the same around the world.
Since the later generations have fewer face to face communication, how to express oneself thru instant messaging chat or forum and chat group? They uses normal symbols such as :) to express a smile and a :( to express a frown.
Two aspects of nonverbal communication that are often considered together, because they involve manipulating sound, are paralanguage and silence.
Paralanguage is a vocal but nonverbal dimension of speech. It has to do with the manner which you can say something rather than with what you say. An exercise used to increase a students ability to express different emotions, feelings and attitudes was to have the student say the following sentence while accenting or stressing different words:
1. Is this the face that launched a thousand ships? 2. Is this the face that launched a thousand ships? 3. Is this the face that launched a thousand ships? 4. Is this the face that launched a thousand ships? 5. Is this the face that launched a thousand ships?
The above statements are equal but the stresses on different words give the statement different meanings. This is called Paralanguage.
They way we say it when we are laughing, yelling, moaning, whining and belching will make the statements different. The pitch of highness and lowness also contribute to what we want to make clear of what we want to say.
Silence
Some says it is the ultimate in thinking as in communication is silence. Silence allows the speaker to think beforehand what the want to express.
Silence is nothing negative; it is not the mere absent of speech. It’s a positive, a complete world in itself.
During class as US culture, we are silent, the lecturer might think that the students are not paying attention to the class; therefore they want the class to be alive by having debate over the topic.
But in the East, silence in class does not mean the listeners are not paying attention. They are giving respect to the speaker. So, silence in the west is negative while silence in the east is seen as positive.
For eg: A 40 year old guy is attending our interpersonal communication class for a
degree (What do u feel about that..Isn't that a little weird???)
We feel its out of time.
We should finish doing certain things at a certain age.
Culture
Culture :- In certain culture youths should get married after they finish their SPM. ( But for us we feel its to young for a marriage life)
People in the culture finds it weird if you don't get married between the age of 18-20
Doing things at certain age such as marriage, education, getting a baby and etc...
Family
Some family have their own way of bringing up their children
It might effect the social clock of the children
For eg:
My grandfatherdon'tallow any of his children and his grandchildren to ride motor. When we see all our friends riding motor we'd like to ride as well but we cant do it because we are restrict. When we are with our friends, we might feel out of step because we feel left out when we cannot do what people our age are doing.
General
Children in US :-
Get pregnant before they get married.
Leave their home at a very young age.
Stay in the same house with their partner before getting married
Compared to the situation in our country people caught doing these things will be looked down and not respected in the society.
Hence, in each country we have our own social clock.
As time goes on, the social clock will be changing.
Your culture maintains asocial clock- a time schedule for the right time to do various important things, such as starting dating, finishing college, buying your own home, or having a child. The social clock tells you if you're keeping pace with your peers, are ahead of them, or are falling behind. On the basic of this social clock, which you learn as you grew up, you evaluate your own social and professional development. If you're keeping pace with the rest of your peers (for example, you started dating at the "appropriate" age or you're finishing college at the "appropriate" age), you will feel well adjusted, competent, and a part of the group. If you're late, you'll probably experience feelings of dissatisfaction. Although today the social clock is becoming more flexible and more tolerant of deviations from the acceptable timetable than it was in past decades, it still exerts pressure on each of us to keep pace with our peers.
Tactile communication or communication by touch, also referred to as haptics, is perhaps the most primitive form of communication.
The meanings of Touch
There are five major meanings of touch:
Positive emotions may be communicated by touch, mainly between intimates or others who have relatively close relationship. Among the most important of these positive emotions are support, appreciation, inclusion, sexual interest or intent and affection. Touch has been found to facilitate self- disclosure.
Touch often communicatesplayfulness, either affectionately or aggressively. When touch is used in this manner, the playfulness deemphasizes the emotion and tells the other person that it's not to be taken seriously. Playful touch lighten an interaction.
Touch also maycontrol the behaviors, attitudes or feelings of the other person. Such control may communicate various different kinds of messages. To ask for compliance, for example, we touch the other person to communicate "Move over," "Hurry," "Stay here," or "Do it." Touching to control may also communicate status and dominance. The higher- status and dominance person, for example, initiates touch. In fact, it would be a breach of etiquette for the lower- status person to touch the person of higher status.
Ritualistic touching centers on greeting and departures. Shaking hands to say hello or goodbye is perhaps the clearest example of ritualistic touching, but we might also hug, kiss or put an arm around another's shoulder.
Task- related touching is associated with the performance of a function, such as removing a speck of dust from another's person face, helping someone out of a car, or checking someone's forehead for fever. Task- related touching seems generally to be regarded positively.
The above examples were based on studies in North America; in other culture these function are not served in the some way. In some cultures, for example, some task- related touching is viewed negatively and is to be avoided. Among Koreans it is considered disrespectful for a store owner to touch a customer in , say, handing back change; it is consider too intimate a gesture. A member of another culture who is used to such touching may consider the Korean's behavior cold and aloof. Muslim children are socialized not to touch members of the opposite sex; their behavior can easily be interpreted that unfriendly by American children who are used to touching one another.
Some cultures- including many in southern Europe and the Middle East- are contact cultures; others are non contact cultures, such as those of northern Europe and Japan. Members of contact cultures maintain close distance, touch one another in conversation, face each other more directly, and maintain longer and more focused eye contact. Members of non contact cultures maintain greater distance in their interaction, touch each other rarely, avoid facing each other directly, and maintain much less direct eye contact. As a result, , of these differences, problems may occur. For example, northern European and Japanese may be perceived as cold, distant and uninvolved by southern Europeans- who may in turn be perceived as pushy, aggressive and inappropriately intimate.
Nonverbal Communication and Culture Significance of Color in Culture
Colors vary greatly in their meanings from one culture to another.
Color: Cultural Meanings and Comments
Red - In China, red signifies prosperity and rebirth and is used for festive, joyous, occasions and luck; - In France and the United Kingdom, it indicates masculinity; - In African countries, blasphemy or death; - In Japan, anger and danger;and - In India, purity - Red ink, especially among Korean Buddhists, is used only to write a person's name at the time of death or on the anniversary of the person's death; this can create problems when Americans teachers use red ink to mark homework.
Green - In the United State, green signifies capitalism, go ahead and envy; - In Ireland patriotism; - Among some Native Americans, femininity; - To the Egyptians, fertility and strength; - To the Japanese, future, youth and energy; and - In China, youth and growth
Black - In Thailand, white signifies old age - In part of Malaysia, courage; - In China, evil - In Japan, evil - In much of Europe, death
White - In Thailand, white signifies purity; - In many Muslims and Hindu cultures, purity and peace; and - In Japan and other Asian Countries, death and mourning
Blue - In China, masculinity, calm and authority; - In Iran, blue signifies something negative; - In Ghana, joy; - Among the Cherokee, it signifies defeat; - For the Egyptian, virtue and truth; and - For the Greek, national pride
Yellow - In China, yellow signifies wealth, authority, honor and royalty; - In the United States, caution, cowardice, joy and happiness; - In Egypt, happiness and prosperity; - In Japan, grace, nobility, childish and gaiety; and - In many countries throughout the world, femininity
Purple - In Latin America, purple signifies death; - In Europe, royalty; - In Egypt, virtue and faith; - In Japan, grace and nobility; - In China, barbarism and - In the United States, nobility and bravery
