Chapter 7 Interpersonal Relationship: Love

Love Types
Eros: Beauty and Sexuality

Like Narcissus, who fell in love with the beauty of his own image, the erotic lover focuses on beauty and physical attractiveness, sometimes to the exclusion of qualities you might consider more important and more lasting.

Ludus: Entertainment and Excitement
Ludus love is experienced as a game, a fun. The better you can play the game, the greater the enjoyment. A ludic lover is self- controlled, always aware of the need to manage love rather than allow it to be control. Perhaps because of this need to control love, some researches have proposed that ludic love tendencies may reveal tendencies to sexual aggression. Perhaps because love is a game, sexual fidelity is of little importance. And not surprisingly, ludic lovers score high on narcissism.

Storge: Peaceful and slow

Storge love (a word that come from Greek for "familial love") lacks passion and intensity. Storgic lovers don't set out to find lovers but to establish a companionable relationship with someone they know and with whom they can share interests and activities. Storgic love is a gradual process of unfolding thoughts and feelings; the changes seem to come so slowly and so gradually that it's often difficult to define exactly where the relationship is at any point in time. Sex in storgic relationships come late, and when it comes, it assumes no great importance.

Pragma: Practical and traditional

Pragma lovers want compatibility and a relationship in which their important needs and desires will be satisfied. The pragma lover views love as a useful relationship that makes the rest of life easier. So the pragma lover asks such questions: "Will this person earn a good living?" "Can this person cook?" "Will this person help me advance in my career?"

Mania: Elation and depression

Mania is characterized by extreme highs and extreme lows. The manic lover intensely worried about the loss of the love. With little provocation, the manic lover may experience extreme jealousy. Manic love is obsessive, the manic lover must possess the beloved completely. In turn, the manic lover wishes to be possessed, to be love intensely. The manic lover's poor self- images seems capable of being improved only by love; self- worth comes from being loved rather than from any sense of the inner satisfaction. Because love is so important, dangers sign in a relationship are often ignored; the manic lover believes that if there is love, then nothing else matters.

Agape: Compassionate and selfless

Agape is a compassionate, ego less, self- giving love. The agapic lovers love even people with whom he or she has no close ties. This lover loves the stranger on the road even though the two of them probably will never meet again. Agape is a spiritual love, offered without expecting that the love will be reciprocated. Jesus, Buddha and Gandhi preached this unqualified love, agape.

General point of view of love from Renaldo

I believe that there not just one type of love in us but all. It just depends on which is diminating. For example, a mother can have an agape love towards her children but with her husband, certain activities that a married couple do come's from eros. Also, that mother might have choosen to settle down with her husband could also be based on Pragma love. So we cannot say that, ' i have no ludus love in me or mania love.' Because in truth, we do.

Continuation on Growth of Interpersonal Communication

Rules for Maintaining Relationships

Friendship Rules

* Stand up for friend in his or her absence

* Share information and feelings about successes

* Demonstrate emotional support

* Trust each other; confide in each other

* Often to help your friend in time of need

* Try to make your friends happy when the two of you are together

* Don't criticize in public

* Keep confidences

* Don't be jealous or negative about other relationships

* Respect your friend's privacy

When this rules are followed are followed, the friendship is strong and mutually satisfying. When these rules are broken, interpersonal conflict is likely to occur.

Romantic Rules

Rules that both keep the relatoinship together and when broken, lead to deterioration and eventually to dissolution. If you have had a serious romantic relationship, think about it as you examine the rules that follow; if you have not had such a relationship, think about the relationship you want. As you read the list, consider your own relationship behaviors. Do you and your partner

• acknowledge each other's individual identities and lives beyond the relationship?
• express similiar attitudes, beliefs, values, and interests?
• enhance each other's self- worth and self- esteem?
• remain loyal and faithful to each other?
• have substantial shared time together?
• attempts to make your interactions enjoyable?
• listen and try not to judge?
• act cheerful and positive?
• compliment each other's achievement?
• try to avoid embarrassing each other?

Growth of Interpersonal Relationships

Relationship Maintenance
Relationship maintenance behaviors are behaviors that serve to continue (maintain, retain) your relationship. Of course, maintenance behavior can serve a variety of functions. Some example:
- to keep the relationship intact: to retain the semblance of a relationship, to prevent dissolution of the relationship
- to keep the relationship at its present stages: to prevent it from moving too far toward either less or greater intimacy
- to keep the relationship satisfying: to maintain an appropriate balance between rewards and penalties

Reason for Maintaining Relationship
The reasons for maintaining are as numerous and as varied as the reason for beginning them.

Theoretical Predictions:
Attraction theory holds that relationships are maintained when there is significant attraction, generally of the kind that led to the development of the relationship. Although both individuals, as well as their definitions of what constitutes attractiveness, may have changed, the importance of attraction – however defined- is likely to continue throughout the life of the relationship.

Social exchange theory holds that relationships will be maintained as long as the relationship is profitable- as long as the rewards exceed the costs. Note, of course, that what constitutes a reward and how significant that reward is can be defined only by the individual. More specifically, you’re likely to maintain a relationship when it’s more rewarding than what you expected (your comparison level). You’re also likely to maintain your present relationship even when it falls short of your comparison level, as long as it’s still higher than what you feel you could get elsewhere (your comparison level for alternatives). So even though you may think you deserve more, if you can’t get more, then you’re likely to stay put.

Equity theory holds that you maintain the relationship when you perceive relative equity. If you feel that you’re getting rewards from the relationship proportional to the costs you’re paying, then you’re likely to maintain the relationship.

The more popular and frequently cited reasons for relationship maintenance:

Emotional attachment: Often you maintain a relationship because you love each other, you want to preserve your relationship, and you don’t find alternative couplings as inviting or as potentially enjoyable.

Convenience: The difficult involved in finding another person to live with, another business partner, or another social escort may make it more convenient to stay together than to break up.












Children: A couple may stay together because they feel, rightly or wrongly, that it’s in the best interests of the children; or the children may provide a socially acceptable excuse to mask the real reason- convenience, financial advantage, fear of being alone, and so on.

Fear: People may fear venturing into the outside world, being alone, facing others as “single”, or even making it on one paycheck and so many elect to preserve their current relationship as the better alternative.

Inertia: Some relationships are maintained because of inertia (the tendency for a body at rest to remain at rest and a body in motion to remain in motion); change seems too much trouble.

Commitment: People may have a strong commitment to each other or to the relationship. In fact, recent research finds that women’s commitment is more closely related to relationship maintenance and stability than any other factor.